so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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