Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
