Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
