She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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