U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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