I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
