I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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