Christians are straight up FREAKS
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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