I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
