tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
