he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
