If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
