Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
