I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
