i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
