u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
