shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
