i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
