She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
