What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
