I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize