you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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