meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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