Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
