She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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