Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
