I heard we made out
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
