At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
