Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
