We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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