Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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