Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
