I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
