Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I looked at my own cervix.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
