I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's not a foreskin expert like you
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
