so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
