Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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