Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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