gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
