Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
please come you make the beer taste better
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
