I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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