I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
