Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
