Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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