i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
