tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
