If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
