Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
