He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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