How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
