Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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