I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
