Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
